Thursday, April 06, 2006

What If...? (Part One)

Guest Poster: Jean-Luc Picard

I'm lying in bed after another hard day commanding the Enterprise.

Now it's the time to relax....

A heavy metal rock band suddenly appear in the room and drive my senses mad.

Q appears as the lead singer, with dark glasses and a beard.

"Bonjour mon Capitaine!" he says cheerfully, "I thought you'd appreciate a visit from your favourite resident of the Q Continuum. I know I like seeing my old pal, Jean-Luc."

"Go away, Q!" I tell him sharply, "Security will hear that noise and come in." I put my head under the pillow.

"No they won't, Jean-Luc." he laughs, "The sound is only for your ears. Those archaic Enterprise sensors won't notice me here. Now what shall we chat about?"

"Your iminent departure?" I suggest.

"You have a caustic wit, mon Capitaine" Q smiles, "Where would the Enterprise be without you?"

"Who knows" I say, "Probably in a poor condition."

"Oh, so you think you're that important, Jean-Luc?" Q teasingly laughs, "What do you think it would be like if you had never been born?"

"Destroyed, probably." I tell him.

"Do you want to see what the Enterprise would have been like if you had never been born?" Q challenges me.

"All right, Q", I tell him, "Let's see what it would have been like.

All of a sudden, I'm beginning to regret my big mouth. Too late now, idiot!


Both Q and I appear on the Bridge of the Enterprise. Both he and I are wearing Starfleet uniforms.

"Nobody can see or hear us, Jean-Luc." Q tells me. "Just enjoy what you see."

The decor is dreadful. A bright flourescent pattern. I would never have allowed that if I had been in charge.

Data is in my chair, and from the stars on his collar, he is the Captain. In the Commander's role is Worf. Beverly is third in thew Lieutenant Commander position. As she has occasionally filled the Captain's role on the night shift, this is no surprise.

I wonder where Riker is? Deanna isn't about either.

Geordi comes in.

"Engine's running to optimum efficiency, Captain Data." he says.

"Very good, Mr La Forge." states Data, "We shall be in time for our rendezvous with the USS Rhode Island"

Geordi is still in the same position; he always loved engines.

I look on Tactics; Jadzia Dax is in position there, checking out everything, looking as if she is keen to blast something in space to smithereens.

To my horror, the two at the helm are Wesley Crusher and Seven of Nine. Has Data had a short-circuit? Putting those two there is a recipe for disaster.

Q enjoys seeing the horror on my face.

"Perhaps our android friend trusts Seven and Wesley a lot more than you do, Jean-Luc" Q laughs, "They seem to be doing a good job from where I am watching."

"The USS Rhode Island is within transporter range, Captain." says Wesley.

"Good, Lieutenant Crusher." Data replies, "Have the Admiral and his wife beamed aboard. Be sure that plenty of donuts are made available while he is here."


We all go to the Transporter Room and I see the Admiral and his wife beamed aboard.

It's Riker and Deanna.

I groan and Q laughs away at my despair.


To be continued...



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