Tuesday, June 06, 2006

What If...? (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Jean-Luc Picard

Q is showing me what the Enterprise would have been like if I had never been born. The rest of the crew cannot see us as we watch what is going on.

Admiral Riker and his wife Deanna have just beamed aboard...


"Welcome to the Enterprise, Admiral." Data says to him, "Welcome also, Mrs Riker"

"It's Deanna!" replies to Counselor, "We're all old friends here, Data"

"That's right, Data, old buddy!" Riker tells him, and pats him on the back.

"Without you around, Jean-Luc" Q informs me, "Riker was the Captain, so he was quickly appointed Admiral and Data took over when he got promoted. You've been holding them back, mon Capitaine!"

I ignore his comments and carry on watching.

"Congratulations on the pregnancy, Deanna" Beverly says to her, "When will the baby be due?"

"In six months time" she replies, "I should say congrats to you as well, Bev, in getting engaged in that hunk of a Medical Officer at Starfleet Headquarters."

"I always thought there was something missing in my life; no romance. That was until I met Brad. He's an ex-Quarterback."

I turn white and wince. Q laughs away.

"Without you around, Jean-Luc, poor Beverly had nobody to romance her." he tells me gleefully.
A message comes on Data's com link.

"Lieutenant Crusher here, sir. I think we've got a problem. You need to come to the Bridge now."

Everybody, including Riker and Deanna go to the Bridge; Q and I follow them.

"There is an unknown ship ten million kilometres away" declares Seven, "It is packed with high density tri-cobalt biogenic torpedoes. They are powering up; if their weapons hit us, we shall be destroyed, as the shields will be ineffective. The Enterprise will be destroyed."

"Have you performed a sensor scan, Miss Dax?" asks Data.

"Yes, Captain; they only have light-sensitive sensors, but we will be unable to escape with the transwarp engines they have."

"We are being hailed by sound only." says Wesley.

"You shall be destroyed" says an ominous voice that seems to like eradicating starships as a hobby. Things are not looking good.

Them I remember something.

"Why don't they use the Picard Manouvre?" I ask, "Every cadet in Starfleet has been taught that in the Academy."

"The what?" laughs Q, "You need to remember, Jean-Luc, that you have never been born and the Manouvre doesn't exist."

Wesley suddenly turns round to Riker and Data.

"Admiral Riker, Captain Data" he says, "I think I have an idea."

Don't tell me it's going to be what I think it is...

"What is it, Wes?" asks Riker.

"Well, as the ship only has light-speed sensors, we could suddenly go in warp towards them. This would give the impression to them that we were in two places at the same time and confuse them. Then we could fire on the ship before it was ready."

I groan; that's the Picard Manouvre.

"That sounds like a great idea!" Riker tells him.

"I agree, Admiral" Data tells him.

A few moments later, the confused ship is fired upon and the problem is sorted out.

"You did really well there, Wes." Riker tells him, "So much so that I'm going to put in a motion that the action be known as 'The Crusher Manouvre', that it be tought at all classes in the Academy, and that you be promoted to Lieutenant Commander."

I can't take this any longer.

"Get me out of here, Q!" I urgently tell him, "I want to be back in charge of the Enterprise and to exist again!"

"Of course, mon Capitaine!" Q snickers, "Why didn't you say so?"

A moment later, I am back in my bedroom. No one else is there. I want to check to see if people can see me.

I walk into the corrider. Data is there.

"Can you see me, Data?" I ask him.

"Of course, Captain" he replies, "I am puzzled as to why you are in the corrider without any garments on, though."